Okay – this is a continuation of the physical details of going through the surgery.  The first update really just recounted details in getting to the surgery itself and so now we’ll pick up from the actual post-surgery.  These blogs, again, will be much more about reporting and less reflective, though I will report both physical and emotional process.  I want this information to be available to others who go through this!  And so – more impolite details…just warning you!

I have a couple flashes of the various stages of post-surgery.  I remember seeing Dr. Lenert briefly in the recovery room – just telling me that all had went well and that I’d lost 18.5 lbs that day.  Then she was headed down to my family.  They say that I came out of anesthesia quickly – which they had kept as close to waking as they could and did so successfully.  Nelson and my Mom came in for a few minutes – very relieved since the surgery had taken significantly longer than estimated.  In the weeks before, we had heard 8-9 hours, then 10 hours from Dr. Lenert in the pre-op appointment and 11.5 hours was the final number.  THEN the waiting for the recovery and room transfer, etc.  We had started our day at 4:45 to be at the hospital by 6:30 and it was past 10:00pm before Nelson and Mom were seeing me in my room.  Midnight before they were back home.

I didn’t have to deal with movement or food or really anything that first night.  I had the techs checking vitals and drains, the nurse giving me heparin shots.  And I had my morphine PCA – the little button for pain meds that I can click as often as I like but will only deliver every 8 minutes.  And so began a really interesting and really kind of wonderful night.  I would awake – feeling like I must have been asleep for hours, but it would only have been somewhere around 45 minutes.  I would click the pain button and get a spoon of ice chips and then fall into a bizarre sleep-wake state where there were tons of things going on – but I don’t remember any of them.  I only know that every time I would click the pain button within the 8 minutes again and hear the beep that said that nothing was delivered.  Then, as soon as I could get a true second dose, I would fall asleep for another 30-60 minutes.  Each time I woke up from those longer periods, I would feel these huge rushes of positive emotion.  Relief, accomplishment, excitement – all felt very deeply, not just thought.  I felt the 10 year task of losing 150 lbs and the hugeness of being on this end of it – and having coming through this surgery and all that was ahead of me.  I smiled a lot through those hours.

Then, things turned as we went towards morning.  I think because the night felt like it lasted a week – I finally began to wonder and worry about what was coming next.  When would I have to move and how would that go?  When would Mom and Nelson get there and could I wait until then to try anything?  I realized that while I had all these complete thoughts – my verbal communication was very poor.  The nurses would ask if I needed anything and I couldn’t think of what to say or what to ask – so I thought they weren’t communicating very well.  When I talked on the phone (including mom and Nelson to ask where they were!) – all I really could convey was scattered anxiety.  I ordered breakfast.  I think, in the end, we concluded that the Morphine was contributing a lot to this.  It definitely made me foggy and I know it helped with the pain, but it would fairly quickly make me anxious and unable to communicate well.  They wanted me to get through the lunch meal and keep that down before switching over to Percoset.

So, we endured the morning – me using as few pain clicks as I could.  The getting up was definitely a process, but it went without incident and we were all surprised to see that I stood straight right off – not hunched over as they said I likely would be from the abdominal tightening.  I got through lunch and was able to switch the pain meds – and that was a relief.

So, the big question to address – what about the body!!  Did I see it?  What does it look like?  Well, we’ll report on this in stages.  In the hospital is a very different experience than home.  As first the doctor and then the resident/interns came in to check and change my dressing – there were various reactions.  Their reaction was very technical – they were pleased with the incisions and the state of them.  My mom and Nelson could see everything and it was hard to read their faces totally, but their general reaction (and Nelson’s verbal reaction to me) was that it was a huge change in the shape and they thought I would be really amazed.  I couldn’t see anything below seeing the breast shape and nipple and the skin in between the breasts.  And there were so many things to take in – the fact that the breasts were small cones – no sagging – not even softness, really – just triangles sticking out.  The fact that the meeting of incisions between my breasts is a mess that the doctor says will calm down – that’s always a complicated spot.  And just seeing stitching and bruising everywhere.  I think I kept myself pretty neutral for these viewings.  The most emotion was when the residents and interns whirl winded through their mid-day check and moved WAY too fast for me – taking of the binder and the bra and whipping dressings off and on.  It was good that they felt so confident about the incisions, but it ramped me way up and after that, I was determined to just have everything go at as calm a pace as it could.

And, in that mindset, we passed the rest of that day – getting up a couple more times and I decided to stay the second night.  I just went with the flow through that and into the morning and was ready to make the trip home and stay calm!  We were out by 10:00am – and getting into the car was nowhere near the difficult event that I had worried about.

That’s a good place to end this portion – hospital and surgery are done and the reality of home and recovery begin.  Let me know if you have questions that I haven’t addressed or if there are things you wanted me to talk more about!